Without his Heart
by Shai Butter
Summary: Alyss has been gone for 7 years and for the first time, Dodge is allowing himself to remember. But what if remembering makes him believe she's back? How will he deal with losing her again? How can he live without his Heart? One shot.


**A/N: I just reread **_**The Looking Glass Wars**_** for about the third time and decided I needed to see a softer side of Dodge. I needed to see that he still had feelings. And then suddenly, "Without You" from RENT starting playing and I couldn't pass up the opportunity. So enjoy my first **_**The Looking Glass Wars**_** one-shot.**

**~Ebony**

**Without my Heart**

It had been seven years since Alyss had disappeared into the Pool of Tears. Dodge sat in the Alyssian camp in the Everlasting forest and for the first time in a long time, allowed himself to remember. He thought back on all of the things he and Alyss used to do. He remembered the silly games that she would ask him to play and the worry that would often course through him, always looking over his shoulder to see if his father or another member of guard would catch him acting so frivolously with a princess. At times, regret would pang his heart. He hadn't allowed himself to fully enjoy the time that he had with Alyss. Fear was always a factor in their escapades and it was at that moment that Dodge wished he'd thrown caution to the wind and just allowed himself to love the princess without any pretenses. But now was no time to regret and yet there was nothing stopping him. For once, all the anger and hatred he felt toward the Cat and the vengeance that so strongly clouded his thoughts was no longer there. All Dodge Anders could feel was regret and loneliness. He didn't feel whole. The two most important parts of him were missing and, to the best of his knowledge, there was no way of getting either of them back. No matter how much he yearned, how greatly he longed for them, he'd never have them. He could feel the unfamiliar feeling of tears forming in his eyes. He shook his head. Dodge Anders did not cry. He would not cry. And yet he did. The tears streamed down his face like water from a broken dam pouring out. But he didn't try to stop them. For so long, the emotions had been buried up inside him. It was only a matter of time before everything broke out and the fence that he'd so carefully crafted would come crumbling down. Dodge laid down on ground and held himself together as best he could. Thoughts of Alyss began to run through his mind and she was the last thing he thought of before he fell into a sob-induced sleep.

_Dodge didn't know where he was or how much time had passed. The people around him were dressed so strangely. He knew at once this wasn't Wonderland. There was too much peace among the people to bear any resemblance to the place had regrettably had to call home. He walked slowly along the cobblestone and looked around him. What was he supposed to do? He hadn't the foggiest clue where he was or what actions he should take. He didn't know how to return to the place he'd come from. The faces he saw around him were so dull and strange. They all looked the same and yet were all different. However, there was one face that did stick out in the crowd. A light shone around perhaps the most beautiful face he'd ever seen. It was her. The flawlessness of her skin, the ebony hair. Even in her common clothes, the beauty of royalty shone around her. Alyss. At this realization, Dodge ran faster than he'd ever run. Not even the threat of Glass Eyes could have made him faster. He tried yelling her name and waving his arms, anything to get her attention. But she looked right past him. Finally, his lungs on fire, Dodge was standing right in front of her. _

"_Alyss," he whispered. Her head was cocked to one side, confusion clearly shown on her brow. _

"_Who--" she began._

"_Please Alyss. Remember." Dodge began to plead with the princess, begging her to remember. She squinted her eyes and stared at the man in front of her. The voice, the hair, and those scars. Four parallel scars on his right cheek. _

"_No…" Alyss breathed. "It's not…it can't be…you're not…" She began sobbing. Her shoulders shook and she was trembling. Dodge reached out in a way he never would have and wrapped his arms around her. _

"_Shh…" he whispered. "It'll all be alright."_

"_Dodge…"Alyss sighed. "You're…you're real?"_

"_You can hold me can't you?"_

"_But for so long…Mother and Father…Reverend Dodgson…"_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_I'm not sure anymore."_

"_I'm here now, my princess."_

"_Dodge," Alyss repeated. "Tell me something true."_

"_I…" he started, "I love you Alyss Heart." And with those words being said, Dodge Anders pulled away slightly and kissed his love for the first time. _

"_Oh, Dodge!" Alyss cried. She laughed and smiled and held him close._

_Suddenly, the scene began to disappear. Alyss started to fade and Dodge could no longer hold on. He could hear her screaming his name and could see her faint outline reaching out and groping from him. _

"_DODGE!" she yelled._

_He searched for her but couldn't get to her. _

"_I love you Alyss!" he yelled out. And then the world was black._

Dodge opened his eyes to the familiar scene of the Alyssian Camp. What had happened? Where was she? Was she alive? So many questions began to grow inside his head. He almost couldn't take it. He wouldn't stand for it. Pain was becoming stronger and stronger the more he remembered what happened. It was then that he vowed never to think of it again.

Without her, the ground thaws. The rain falls. The grass grows. Without her, the seeds root. The flowers sing. Life would go on. But he would be dying without her. How could anyone life without their Heart?

**A/N: Okay…so it isn't the best, but it was an attempt. Let me know what you think. Review please!**


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